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Raunchy Chicken and Rice soup
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Raunchy Chicken and Rice soup    

Wanna know the secret to flu-fighting soup?  You know, the kind that cures all ills and is lovingly prepared by cherubic grandmothers in nightcaps and gingham print dresses that lovingly spoon the concoction into the mouths of babes cuddled deep into billowing patchwork quilts?  Well, here’s granny’s secret—a good, flu-fighting chicken soup should be, just like porn, RAUNCHY AS ALL HELL!!!  And since I love both PORN and SOUP, I reckon my recipe could knock out the flu better than Mike Tyson on Justin Bieber. 

From this day forward, I promise never again to use the words Mike Tyson, Justin Bieber and PORN in the same paragraph. 

But in all seriousness, there’s a reason why chicken soup should be raunchy in order to pull double duty as both a substantial dinner and a cold and flu fighter—garlic has long been known to posses antiseptic qualities, and many cultures embrace the use of garlic to kill off bacteria and other food baddies that could potentially make you sick. 

But Garlic isn’t the sole star of the show in this recipe—Turmeric helps regulate the immune system AND has subtle heating properties without being spicy or causing stomach upset.  Turmeric is often used throughout India and the Middle East as a fever fighter and has even been shown to regulate metabolism against dangerous drops and rises in blood sugar.   

Personally, my favorite ingredient in Raunchy Chicken Soup is fresh grated ginger.  As a migraine sufferer, I have had to turn to fresh ginger many, many times to open up the constricting veins that cause migraine pain.  Fresh ginger dilates the blood vessels, allowing for quick delivery of beneficial items digested by the patient, whether in food or pill form, so think of it like the key that opens the door for the turmeric and garlic to do their job. 

If you have fresh herbs at your disposal to add to the soup, I would recommend a small amount of Mellissa or Feverfew (both of which are somewhat difficult to find fresh this time of year in Ohio).  They will not be detrimental to the taste of the soup thanks to the oodles of garlic you will be adding, and they are still used to this day to reduce fever without the use of pills or chemicals. 

SO—wanna make my porn soup????? Here’s the recipe:

Basic Raunchy Chicken Rice Soup

2 tablespoons butter

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts

2 ribs celery

2 medium carrots

Turmeric

Minced Garlic

2 cubes chicken bullion

6 cups water

½ cup jasmine rice

Fresh grated ginger

Add 2 tablespoons of butter to a deep, heavy pot over high heat and chop the celery and carrots.  Add them to the melted butter and dice the boneless skinless chicken breasts into bite-sized chunks.  When the celery and carrots have softened a little add the chicken and cook until no longer pink, turning the vegetables and chicken frequently to prevent sticking and scorching.  Add about 2 tablespoons of garlic (I said it was going to be raunchy!) and let cook a few minutes more.  Add 6 cups of water slowly to the hot pan and add the bullion and a few healthy shakes of turmeric (its really pretty tough to overdo turmeric).  Take a small hand grater and grate fresh turmeric directly into the soup, about 4-5 passes or to suit your taste.  Add the jasmine rice and allow to simmer for at least 30 minutes or until rice is tender.  Serve with fresh French bread if you love carbs as much as I do.   

. . . Did I mention I also have a VEGAN raunchy soup that might even be BETTER than the chicken version?  that is, if you like it REALLY REALLY RAUNCHY . . . .

                                 . . . . to be continued  


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